Anger

"If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say nothing at all.”

Wise advice given to Thumper in the movie Bambie (despite the use of the double negative). Of course, this saying can be, and often is, abused, as any other wise saying is (for instance, "Judge not", which is often used in the course of condemning others, ironically enough). Yet it has a fundamental truth about it all the same.

A less common saying, however, that would perhaps be good to keep in mind as well is "If you can't think something nice about someone, think nothing at all" (at least as regards to thinking about their personal character, that is.) How often do we see someone on the Internet, for instance, or somebody in the news, do or say something which seems totally outrageous, and we are greatly upset as a consequence. We allow ourselves to stew over it, and it makes us angrier and angrier. Of course, even when it is right to be angry, nevertheless to meditate on such anger is foolish. Anger is a legitimate emotion as a spur to action to correct wrong. It is not something to be contemplated for its own sake. Quite apart from the fact that such contemplation is useless and simply embitters us (and why would we want that?), it is also the case that anger, even at its best and most legitimate, contains many dangers to our spiritual well being. It can easily mutate from the emotion of anger to the sin of anger, if we are not careful. (So we should not spend any more time with it than absolutely necessary). Moreover, it can often distort our view of the person we are angry with, especially when we do not know him personally. Even when the reason he makes us angry is such that he seems clearly culpable and deserving of blame, it still does not give us a complete view of that person. Yet we can be tempted to see him, not as a human person with grave conflicts battling within his soul, but instead as his sin personified (as if he was simply an incarnation of the specific thing that upsets us, instead of being a human being with many good qualities as well.)

I say this as someone conscious of failing himself far too often in this regard. Hence, I'm writing this piece mostly as a reminder to myself of my own flaws which I need to work on, as well as putting some thoughts down on how to confront them.

Intellectually, I realize that there is more to such people than the particular aspects of their character that upset me, including things that are praiseworthy, but when in the heat of the moment, it is hard to keep that perspective in mind. At such times, then, I need to try to concentrate on what good I can think about them to balance my perspective. But when, in fact, I am drawing a blank (which would especially be the case with people who I do not know personally, such as, say, people who make apparently incendiary comments on the Internet), then perhaps it would be good to contemplate nothing of their character at all, or rather yet, to simply assume the best.

In every situation in general, but more so in cases like this, what I need to concentrate on most is that this is a person who Jesus Christ loves so much that He was crucified for them, and would have been so crucified if that person had been the only person in the world in need of His redemption. However, indeed, he is not. Christ also died for me, and the sins that I know most clearly that resulted in His death are my own. That puts things in a much more sobering perspective.

In short, as a general rule, when angry, the first thing to do is to try not to think about what upsets us about the person in the first place, unless there is a genuine reason that requires us to- for instance, if necessary in order to fix the situation. But if there is no genuine reason to, then remember that "if you can't think something nice about someone, don't think about them at all.". That is simply another way of saying we should not contemplate anger for its own sake.

If there is a reason that requires us to contemplate what upsets us, then we should always try to balance it with good points of the character of the person we are angry with so as to not risk distorting our own perspective. If, in fact, we know little or nothing to balance our perspective (as with those we do not know personally), that is all the more reason for caution. Basically, we should try to assume the best about other people, to the extent possible. If a certain explanation of their words or actions would throw it in a more positive light, act on the assumption that is what in fact is the case. (It goes without saying that in certain circumstances qualifications to the preceding rule must be made. But I am speaking in reference to situations in which one can, without any danger of acting irresponsibly, act on such positive assumptions).

Another way to put this rule into action? Remove ourselves, when possible, from situations that make us angry, at least when we can responsibly do so. For instance, to take an example from personal experience, I am a Christian. There is, to say the least of it, plenty of anti-Christian bigotry in our society. One can often see it on full display on the Internet or by watching the news. I know I see it quite often. So, when I come across it, I have a decision to make. Am I going to contemplate it? Or am I not? Sometimes it is the right thing to contemplate it. For instance, perhaps I can respond to it, and in so doing help bring the person who propagates it to a better understanding of the truth and dispel their prejudices. Or, at the least, I can make a response to help others who may come across it. But if I do not have any such reason for contemplating it (for instance, I do not wish to make a response, for whatever reason), then I need to try to put it out of my mind as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, I do not always do so. Often, I find myself thinking about it, mentally pointing out the flaws in it, getting upset, especially when it seems to be deliberately offensive. Therefore, not only do I face all of the dangers I listed above, but on top of them all, I have to deal with such negative emotions that make me feel miserable. And to what purpose? If there was, in fact, a purpose for putting myself through such negativity, it could be justified. Again, anger, when used as a spur to action, is quite legitimate as long as it is controlled. But to contemplate it for its own sake? That is insanity. I need to get away from it, and think on something positive. So obvious, so easy to do, and yet so often I fail to do it. That is why the most important thing for me to do is to pray for the grace to do so.

And thus, I conclude such rambling thoughts with an encouragement to use the most powerful spiritual weapon we have for such situations: prayer, realizing that any success in spiritual warfare such as that described above requires us to first and foremost rely on the grace of God for the victory.